The title is in the picture…
I write every day. For me, writing is like breathing; it is something I need to do in order to live. Each day, I drive to work unsure of how I arrive safely at my destination because my mind is filled with thoughts and potential conversations that will convert to a MS Word document at the earliest convenience.
I have created some interesting titles for these writings (at least, I thought they were interesting):
“People on Facebook never fart”
“I am a fraud (and so are you)”
Since my last post on Medium, I have not publically shared any of my material. Why? Because once I outed myself as a writer I became afraid. Specifically, I told a few people about my last Medium post. I told my employer. Full disclosure, my employer does not pay me for my writing skills (my full-time job is in Accounting). Additionally, I told a small group of family members and friends. These people (and apparently a handful of people I do not know) read my article and liked it. A short time prior to the Medium post, I acquired funding for a non-profit organization as a grant-writer. These personal triumphs created, what I call my inner Sally Field moment. It enhanced my professional writing ambitions, yet exacerbated my fears and insecurities. What if “they” don’t like future writings? Aside from being afraid of pigeons and white rabbits, my fears and insecurities are spelled out in the aforementioned titles:
People on Facebook never fart: The story of a woman who reads her friends’ Facebook posts and feels like she does not know any of these people in real life. Seriously (she thought), has any of these so-called friends ever left the house in the morning with two different types of shoes on their feet and not noticed it until late in the afternoon? Yes, that was me. Everyone on Facebook appears happy, confident and well-rested. I am only two out of three every third day of the month. Maybe one out of three every other week?
I am a fraud (and so are you): A former flame posted the acronym S.W.A.G. (She Wants A Gentleman) on social media for the benefit of his female followers. His post was (ironically?) forwarded to me by a mutual friend who witnessed our past tumultuous relationship. I am hopeful this person has become a gentleman (our history would dispute this). I am kidding about the topic (but not about the story). I wrote about my belief that as long as I was unpublished and/or no one read my thoughts, I was a fraud as a writer. It was not until I started seeing positive results from my side gig as a grant-writer that I felt confident enough to share my diverse writing interests. It was my take on the old expression “fake it until you make it”.
I admit the approaching end of year is coaxing me to manifest some of the items on my 2020 vision board in advance. At the suggestion of someone I admire and respect, I created a vision board to begin the new decade without including a side of eye-roll. Writing takes up thirty percent of the board. Second, I made a verbal commitment to myself and others to release five articles before year end and I do not want to break my commitment. I have four days to go and I thrive under procrastination.
Although I told myself I was a writer, I never truly believed it until I started using my skills in support of others and sharing my writing with strangers. I recognized the only thing that stood in the way of my writing was myself. I have decided to use my fears and insecurities as my superpower. I have also decided not to worry about whether or not I am a good writer or a well-liked writer because it was the worry that removed the joy.
Which is why I immediately wrote this down.
